Starting Therapy: The In and Outs
Thinking about starting therapy? Is the thought of making an appointment causing you anxiety?
Starting therapy can be intimidating.
It’s interesting that I’m writing this blog post today after having this exact conversation with a colleague. For some people, the decision to
start therapy is relatively easy. They recognize that they need support, schedule an appointment, and feel ready to begin almost immediately. For others, the decision can feel much more daunting, taking weeks or even months to muster up the courage to schedule that first appointment.One of the most common fears people have before starting therapy is not knowing what to talk about. Some people worry that they won't know where to begin or that they won't be able to keep the conversation flowing.
Common questions I hear are:
“Where do I start?”
“I forgot everything I wanted to say. I even prepared in the car!”
“What if my problems aren't serious enough?”
“Are you going to judge me?”
Feeling nervous about starting therapy is completely normal. Meeting with a therapist for the first time can feel vulnerable. And what I have to say to that is: it’s okay.
We, as clinicians, do not expect you to share every detail during your first session. It takes time to work through what is on your mind and understand the challenges you are experiencing. Therapy is not an interview, and it is definitely not a test you have to pass. It is completely okay to say, “I’m not sure where to start.” In fact, that statement alone will often help get the conversation going. Your therapist can help guide the discussion and ask questions to better understand what brought you to therapy.
You do not need to prepare a perfect speech in the car on your way to the session. Sometimes, simply showing up is the first step. You just have to take that first step. Being vulnerable is hard, but with therapy, opening up is the only way to see results. It took me years to finally open up to my own therapist. I felt that I had to continue to portray myself and my life as perfect. I would avoid difficult topics, or simply say, "Everything's fine.” I remember sitting there in silence because I refused to bring anything up. She told me, “ I can’t keep guessing what's wrong, you have to tell me.” and I sat there, with my mind full of examples of what was wrong, but I stayed silent. It was hard for me to acknowledge the imperfections of my life, I felt that vocalizing my issues made them real. Yes, it is easier to avoid your problems, but it is life changing to work through them.
Finally, I opened up. I talked about my emotions, my feelings, and as uncomfortable as it was, I left the session feeling lighter, like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I discovered
that simply letting it all out took away the majority of my stress, and that instead of making my problems seem scarier and “real,” they now felt manageable, and less intimidating. Everything doesn’t have to be fine. No one is perfect, and no one will judge you for what you are feeling. I can confidently say starting therapy changed my life. So, go change your life, take that first step, you wont regret it.
By: Tyler Arban